a North Dakotan girl through and through, wife, mother and die hard Catholic.

The Beginning –

To give this story justice I need to start at the beginning so let’s do back to last year September 2024.

If you have read my blog post in July of our Karol Frances, our little one we miscarried last year then that can give you a little background into these next parts! If you haven’t, you can read it here first!

Now back to regular broadcasting!

After we had lost Karol was such this deep sense of grief but also this odd limbo state of where do we go from here? The timeline that was right in front of us, with a due date with him/her had now crumbled. Plans and mindset now need to be shifted. It was this mixed emotion of mourning the loss of this little life that we desired so deeply and being pregnant to no longer being pregnant yet still feeling the desire to grow our family. A odd place to be in.

But in what timeline? I believe there is no perfect timeline that we get to decided as there are so many individualized factors for every family and trusting that the Lord works in intentional ways. So we took is day by day, week by week on what we discerned was best for our family.

I knew I first wanted to get some extra bloodwork done to rule out anything that may have been off to assess sooner rather than later, thankfully all my numbers came back healthy with my cycle returning a month after we had miscarried (which I anticipated as my cycle comes back fairly soon after my full term births for our older three boys thus far).

Fast forward to approaching Advent I had felt this draw to Saint Anne, the Blessed Mother Mary’s mother. I didn’t really know why so I started asking for her intercession as this desire to continue to grow our family grew with the underlying word of Hope occupying my prayer come to find realize I had forgotten the approaching year was the Jubilee year of Hope in the Church. I didn’t really know what was to come from these at the time so I held on closely to them in prayer. Later realizing she is the patron saint of mothers and those desiring to become pregnant.

As a practicing Catholic we believe fertility is a gift in our marriage, not a burden. Not something to mask, alter, etc by artificial means so thanks to NFP means during this time we were able to track my cycle and see if there was any “red flags” per say and Lord willing grow our family if this was the time He had desired for our family.

My predicted ovulation date was looking like it would be December 11th so I was tracking days leading up to this date when my body ended up ovulating of the The Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception on the 8th of December instead, a few days sooner than anticipated. The Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception celebrates the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary on the 8th of December, nine months before the feast of the Nativity of Mary on 8th of September.

Now it was a matter of waiting whether we would soon see a positive test or not.

After we lost Karol, a close friend of ours in a different state had a first class relic of Saint Jude (patron saint of hope) traveling through her city so she had bought a statue of Saint Jude and touched it to the relic gifting us a third class relic that came in the mail on December 16th (keep this date in mind) of saint Jude during this season of greif and hope for our family.

When we were waiting to see a positive test Mason and I had unofficially decided to wait until I was 14 days post ovulation to avoid testing too early before that second line would possibly come in so during this time we also decided to do a Our Lady of Guadalupe novena in petition for the gift of conceiving a child.

However, nine days post ovulation on the 17th of December I felt a nudge as we were settling the boys down in their beds to test. Fully knowing there could be a possibility we’d see two lines but also knowing my body wouldn’t either.

I took a test, the day after receiving this relic to sit in our home.

It was positive. I quickly said a prayer of thanksgiving for the life within my womb once again and scurried up the stairs to tell Mason and the boys!

A few days later I texted one of our home diocese priests at our parish whom had walked with us through the loss of Karol months prior if he would be celebrating any of the masses for Christmas and if he would be able to do a blessing for us but I’d give him more detail when we saw him.

A week later we went home for Christmas. After Mass we headed back to the sacristy to share with Father our exciting news and when I tell him that we are excepting! He looks at us and says something along the lines of, “I know, you called me a few weeks ago to tell me over the phone.” I said, “Father, we haven’t told anyone, we just found out a week ago.” to which he replied, “Woah, I must’ve had a dream that you’d conceive!”

It was little whispers from the Lord throughout my pregnancy reminding us He was near, giving us the peace only He could give and would swiftly send Our Blessed Mother to cover us in her mantle.

Now most would probably say getting the flu isn’t a blessing but right around the weeks along I was with Karol when we miscarried I ended up catching the flu when I was pregnant with little LEM – I saw it as a healthy distraction away from the worry but to focus in on resting and taking care of myself and littles during that time.

Weeks later in January we received a home blessings since we had moved into this home a few months prior to dedicate our Domestic Church to the Lord through the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary and had prayed and hoped it could be the very place we’d welcome him in birth.

Fast forward to Mason and I going to my first prenatal appointment for baby. Where we did initial vitals, a blood draw so that we could find out gender. Our midwife had asked if we’d like to see if we could hear baby’s heartbeat but reassured us it was not uncommon not to hear it with the doppler quite yet. We said yes, let try! As she was navigating my abdomen for a good bit not finding it, I closed my eyes and asked Saint Anne to help us find baby’s heartbeat and not a split moment later, clear as day there is was Leo’s heartbeat for us to hear. A little gift.

The Birth –

For lots of reason that I won’t go into in this post we decided to do a home birth, a different conversation for another time. We did desired one with Karol and in our own little way we did get one just not in the outcome we envisioned for our family and his/her life. When we conceived again we knew we desired the same route for our care and birth.

Before I go on I am not “team”/”side” home birth, hospital or birthing center. I am team wherever a mother feels most safe, seen, cared for and at peace with where she chooses to labor and birth her child. Along with what/who available to her and her own personal circumstance health wise, mentally, etc. I do not think one over the other is the “better” or “wiser” decision as that is an individualized discernment between the Lord and the parents. Up until this point we have never had a home birth midwife in the areas we lived/gave birth in North Dakota (until 6 months after George was born we ended getting one) so when we knew we were moving states for Mason’s residency with a well recommended midwife and Lord willing wanted to grow our family, we knew we’d choose this route for us as it has never been an option before this season of having kids thus far in our marriage.

I am also team knowledge. Ask the hard and uncomfortable questions where it is needed and necessary to discern what is best for you and your family and that may look very different from the mother and her family next to you and THAT IS OK. It is not lesser or greater than just different so celebrate those joys with them and kick comparison to the CURB, my friend.

Leading up to Leo’s birth about a 6 weeks or so Leo’s Godparents gifted us a 3rd class relic of a image of Our Lady of Guadalupe knowing we had prayed her novena in petition for Leo’s little life. I brought it home and hung it up on our gallery wall filled with saint quotes and images, original archive blueprint of the Church we got married (Saint Leo the Great Catholic Church), a copy of Mason’s late grandfather Leo’s song he wrote that Mason use as part of his proposal to me and our first dance song, and now a image of Our Lady of Guadalupe a perfect view from our birth pool. We also had one of our close priest friends traveling to Rome a few months before Leo was born so we shared baby’s name and asked if he would take a special intention at the altar of Saint Leo the Great in Saint Peter’s for our Leo Edmund for us which he eagerly accepted the task!

Into the month of August I decided to (sporadically I will add) pray the Litany of the Immaculate Heart of Mary as this month is dedicated to her. For her guidance and protection entering into “Baby Month” fully anticipating this baby to be born after his due date and in the month of September.

About 5 weeks to baby’s due date we got a phone call from my midwife that she had torn her ACL, Meniscus and I believe also broke her tibia bone and would have to getting surgery just a few days later meaning she would not be able to attend our birth. In the moment of talking with her I felt calm knowing myself just how terrible knee injuries are and something that she would be navigating her whole life and her priority was to get better for the long haul.

After the phone call, I broke a little in tears. It felt like what we had envisioned for our home birth shatter. She was so great helping us navigate where or whom to go to next but felt so hard going into labor and birth with someone new. Someone whom we haven’t gotten to know over the last 35+ weeks, learned our preferences, our desires, knew our story. When we had already so much anticipated change with a newborn coming and the older two boys starting school for the very first time and so much more felt like a little bit of a whirlwind of unknowns.

The first day or two were the hardest to swallow. Trying to quickly yet thoughtfully discern where we wanted to pivot and with whom as our care provider.

The added on layer to this all that our top (technically second choice since of course our hired midwife was our first) choice would take us under care but she also had a mother who was due about a week after me and she was planning to leave of a anniversary trip with her husband after that mother gave birth. The fact that I went to 41 and 1 day with George, I knew it was a possibility I could go into labor after this mother and not have her as my midwife leaving us to pivot to our third option for a midwife last second. A lot to sift through, navigate with whom I felt more comfortable and confident with in my care but after those first couple of days telling the Lord that I trust whatever He has in store for us, that I am confident He will honor the deep desires of my heart (heck, He’s the one who put them there to begin with)! I got this overwhelming and deep sense of peace. Peace that I will be taken care of and baby will come in perfect timing for our family. I trust Mason and his care and guidance as my husband and an extra set of medical professional hands as a family resident physician.

Now approaching the week of my due date I never felt in a rush to go into labor and deeply trusting the unknown timeline ahead, my whole pregnancy I felt this consistent sense of peace in my heart and one of my continued prayers was “Lord, give me the peace only You can give.” So on the Wednesday before Leo was born I had my biweekly chiropractor appointment where I had her do a few technique to encourage labor and to see what happen.

A bit of Friday and Saturday I started to have some prodromal labor, which was so odd to me since I had never experienced it with any of the other kids so at first I was a bit in denial not certain if my body was entering labor or if I’d be pregnant another week or so!

Saturday we laid low at home, kept my midwife in the loop, ate a good wholesome dinner, watched a family movie Saturday night with the boys but before I went to bed I felt prompted to consecrate Leo to Jesus through Mary. A solemn act where a parent or guardian dedicates the child’s body and soul to Mary’s care, entrusting the child to her maternal protection and guidance, typically with the goal of drawing the child closer to God through her.

Sunday the 31st (the last day dedicated to the Immaculate Heart of Mary) rolls around where my contractions had gotten more intense/painful but not unbearable and were not consistent.

The day progresses as do my contractions so I focused on changed different positions or pain management techniques frequently and as my body needed, resting as much as I could with Gregorian Chants filling our room. All the while mason would come periodically to massage my back, do hip squeezes and check in between tending to the kids as things weren’t at an intensity or consistency that I needed him at my side without leaving.

At about 4:30pm or so I decided to hop in birth pool and my sister arrived to take on watching the kids so mason could completely stay by my side.

He had tracked my contractions, kept in contact with our midwife all day, would hold my hand to our crucifix as he prayed over me and Leo as I worked through breathing, wiped my face from sweat, making sure I was drinking water.

At this point around 5pm my contractions began to get even more intense and extremely painful, knowing that my body does not follow the typical 5-1-1 rule when I’m in active labor. They range anywhere from 10 minutes to few minutes apart for a duration of 30 seconds to 60 second ones maybe a few times before our babies come and my active labors tend to last about 20(ish) minutes. They are very quick and very intense.

When things hit that most painful part for me I could automatically recognize I was in transition and combat any doubt or lies about my capabilities to do this with the Lord and Mason by my side, I knew we were almost at the finish line, together. The pain I was enduring through every contraction meant I was one closer to meeting Leo face to face and in those moments offer up every intention shared with me for those whom needed it – where pain has deep purpose. To give Mary the right to distribute the grace of my prayers as she sees fit.

In the 5:24pm time a contraction begins. Mason held my hand to our little crucifix, praying for me, while my midwife was on her way and 25 minutes out from our home, I am complete and baby is coming…

5:25pm a few seconds into my contraction as Mason and I can see Leo’s head Mason calls our midwife and tells her baby is coming so she sends her assistant who is still about 15 minutes from us.

Mason swoops in and tells me that Leo is en caul (still completely in his amniotic sac).

5:26pm Leo is born and Mason lift him straight to my chest and as he pulls him up and out of the birth pool his amniotic sac breaks as it touches my chest. Once Leo is on my chest he lets out a good cry, Mason has his stethoscope ready to listen to his breathing, monitoring is coloring. Our little perfect and healthy rainbow baby is here in my arms in an unintentional free birth!

I learned that en caul births only happen in less than 1/80,000 births, an extremely rare event. In some cultures, en caul births are considered a sign of good luck, or a blessing. He surely is to us.

Even more truly beautiful is that “en caul” baby’s birth are also known or referred to as “veiled babies” or “veiled births”, it truly felt like Our Lady was wrapping Leo’s life in her mantle of love and protection not only in that moment but the very beginning of his existence.

After I got out of the birth pool, placenta was delivered and cord was clamped after 45-60 minutes, vitals were at checked on each of us and we were settled into bed…the three older boys crept down the stairs to meet their baby brother is a moment I will never forget. Witnessing this deeply beautiful paternal side come to the surface for their newborn brother is a gift to witness as their mother!

When he turned a week old we were able to get him baptized on the very day two faithful and bold men became canonized saints in The Church. A day we get to tell Leo he got to share with these two saints in heaven!

We are beyond grateful for the gift of Leo Edmund’s little life and to share it with his brothers who are beyond smitten to have him.

The name

When choosing his name, Leo Edmund we had a few connections to the name we wanted to honor.

Leo to tribute a few influential men in our life from Saint Leo the Great one of the Doctors of The Church to Mason’s late paternal grandfather we knew would be the name of our next son (Lord willing after George). It was affirmation after affirmation from the Lord when we officially chose his name in February after we got gender results of our 4th (known) son. Our very own little lion!

One of Mason’s greatest role models since before I had met him had been his grandpa Leo. A huge intercessor in our relationship and marriage from our engagement story and partly flowing into the design of my wedding ring by coincidence on top of the main inspiration, our wedding song being one he had wrote and recorded, Mason’s signing interview with our dream location after residency and so much more in our last almost decade together that his grandpa Leo’s has a hand in. It only felt right naming him in honor of the man who has had even years after his passing a deep influence in the man of my dreams, life.

Without it being planned and realizing after the fact, Leo also happens to be my late great uncles name, the brother of my paternal grandfather, George whom is one of the namesakes of our George Joseph. Coincidentally another set of brothers named George and Leo in my family!

Edmund is a name I have been fond of after learning over a decade ago it was the name of John Paul the Great’s (Karol Wojtyla) brother who was a physician (just like Mason, our Leo’s father) but had passed before JP II’s papacy. Felt only fitting to give a little nod to our Leo’s brother/sister in heaven, Karol to their intercession on his life!

Jesus, thank you for sending Your Mother to hold and protect us this pregnancy. Pregnancy after loss is lots of mixed emotions. Lots of gratitude yet grief but the Lord has drawn near.

To my husband, steadfast and faithful who helped carry me through yet another labor and birth of our children. Who’s held me in moments of deep sorrow and celebrated with me in moments of joy. I can’t wait to have a million more Merck’s with you by my side.