a North Dakotan girl through and through, wife, mother and die hard Catholic.

Since about midway through Mason’s medical schooling, he and I started going on consistent date nights every month. At the time, we simply didn’t have the means especially in terms of community support—to find a sitter when we lived in Idaho. However, I’ve since learned that a date night doesn’t always have to be fancy or involve going out, regardless of the season you’re in, whether it’s a busy season of work, family, or limited community support.

During those early years, we tried to carve out intentional time for one another after the kids were in bed. Sometimes we made it a family affair on the weekend or took advantage of any opportunity we had when visiting back home, where loved ones could watch the kids.

Once we moved back to North Dakota for Mason’s clerkship years, we had easier access to trusted loved ones who could watch our children. So I understand how date nights can sometimes seem impossible—but I’m here to tell you, they are possible, no matter the season of work, family, or finances you’re in.

I believe the most important thing is to intentionally put in the effort to prioritize your marriage, regardless of the demands of life. My spouse knows, without a doubt, that he comes first (just after God, of course) in our marriage. A helpful “guide” per se for us to help navigating is committed to investing in the five levels of marital communion: spiritual intimacy, emotional intimacy, social intimacy, sexual intimacy, and intellectual intimacy.

When you have a child your love multiplies, but your time divides. You gain a family but can so easily lose sight of the friendship that started it all, the marriage. That’s where date nights come in—not as luxuries, but as a oppunurniny to choose the other.

Date nights remind us that before we were parents, we were husband and wife. The order goes as such God, your spouse, children then everything else.

In the everyday rhythm of family life, it’s easy to fall into roles—mom, dad, chauffeur, chef, nurse, referee. But marriage is more than shared responsibilities or sometimes what can feel like passing ships. It’s shared hearts. Shared laughter. Shared dreams. Ultimately the shared mission of getting your spouse and children to Heaven. And sometimes, those things get buried under the busyness and we need to turn out gaze. Turn it first towards Christ to show us what is of the upmost importance.

A date night is a pause. A deep breath. A another way saying, “We still choose each other.”

They don’t have to be fancy.

Sometimes our dates are coffee runs with the baby monitor in the husband’s pocket while Grandma watches the kids for an hour. Sometimes it’s a drive through the countryside with music turned up and windows down. And sometimes—yes—it’s reheated takeout on the back porch after bedtime, stealing a moment to slow down and savor.

What matters isn’t the setting. What matters is the intention: to see and be seen. To check in, laugh, and remember that love still lives here, under the noise and we choose it.

Our children are watching.

They watch how we love. How we apologize. How we prioritize each other. When they see us making time for each other, they learn that marriage is worth nurturing. That love isn’t just a feeling—it’s a practice. It’s choosing, again and again, to show up for each other even when life is full.

A strong marriage is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.

It creates a home where love is stable, where affection and connection are normal and reveal to them how Christ works through our vocation to know, love, and serve God. It reminds us that even in the thick of parenting, we are not just co-managers of a household—we are husband and wife, And that’s worth investing in.

So, make the date. Book the sitter. Or don’t! I’m here to give you a list of date night ideas either way.

Take a few and combine them into one date. Make it as simple and easy—or as luxurious and jam-packed as you’d like. Just make sure you show up in it, too! Mix and match based on what your marriage needs in this season.

This isn’t the end-all, be-all list, but hopefully it sparks even more ideas for you and your significant other, a little something to help you get started!

Got ideas for a good date night? Add yours in the comments below!